How would you like your Redneck sir? Extra bloody?

Ah.... I know I am truly back in small-town Texas, the heart of white-trash rednecks. If only you could have seen the front of that lovely wife-beater -- it was covered in stains I can only hope was mud, and not a mixture of manure and blood. Let's break down this candid snapshot of awfulness:
- backwards cap. Contrary to popular belief, it does not make you any younger or cooler; if you can't wear it right just skip it altogether please.
- The donkey tail sticking out from your head. What the hell is that?! It's kind of braided, with a bushy end...it's like a clump of wires at 90-degrees. I don't even want to imagine how long you have gone without washing that head.
- I hate goatees. On anyone. Period. If you can be bothered to shave the little thatch of hair into linear perfection, why can't you do the same for the rest of you?
- No one should wear wife-beaters in public. Those should be made illegal. I don't care how fucking hot it is outside, but if you HAVE to wear something like that, at least ensure that you have a good/toned/muscular body and the top is relatively fitted, not a saggy, baggy piece of crap because no one wants to see your nipples and/or armpit hair sprouting from a mile away.